Telling Tales – On Retainer
I fully understand the premise, that due to the fact my parents footed my law school tuition, that I am their attorney… for life. And, of course, …for free.
I totally get it. But I am starting to think, after 19 years…we have to be close to being even.
I pity the fool who crosses my father, be it a neighbor who doesn’t mow his lawn as routinely as my father expects him to or the business owner who continues to park their car in “his” spot.
It just takes one phone call…to his attorney…and the unsuspecting foe receives a firmly worded letter expressing OUR dissatisfaction.
So, this week’s message on the answering machine went something like this…
Long pause….and then “Hello? Hello? Is this working? Angel? Angel? Melanie, I think I got the answering machine. Angel? Ok. Look this is your Father speaking. We have a very big problem. You need to call me as soon as you get this message so we can decide how we are going to handle it because …BEEEEEEP!
Surprisingly, yes, I did return the call…fully expecting to hear how an unsuspecting dog walker needed a strongly worded letter directing him to abide by the leash law or else!
“Hey, Dad. What’s up?”
“I called you 15 minutes ago, where have you been?”
“Well, Dad, I was…”
“Ok, listen very carefully, we have a big problem and we need to figure out how we are going to handle it. I have a $1,700 phone bill!”
“How do you have a $1,700 phone bill, you don’t even know how to text?“
What proceeded was a one hour, minute by minute explanation of the how my father has been switching phone services routinely in an effort to save $4.25 cents on his monthly bill.
“And then, AT&T called me wanting me back, but didn’t mention anything about my long-distance service. So, when I signed back up I just assumed I still had “world exchange” and then got this bill. Did you get that? “World exchange” – are you writing this down? They have been charging me $5.00 a minute for international calls and I didn‘t know it!!
“Don’t worry, Dad, I’m sure I can get you out of it.”
“How can you possibly get me out of this? Your Mom and I are going to come up there next week so we can figure out what you are going to tell the Judge because this fraud!
“The Judge? Are you being sued?”
“No, of course not, I just got the bill in the mail today. But I’ve already called them and told them my attorney was going to sue them!. We’ll take it to the Supreme Court if we have to. They are taking advantage of senior citizens. I wonder if we might have a class action on our hands? This is going to be huge! Sending me a $1,700 bill when I have world exchange….are you writing all this down…w-o-r-l-? Angel? Angel? Melanie, I think AT&T has cut our phone service off, I can‘t hear her…Angel? Angel?”
We are going to be even soon….right?